The sudden loss of a loved one is a devastating experience. It leaves one grappling with the unanswerable questions of how the unfathomable could have happened, and how to navigate it after it did.
I am a Doctor of Social Work and a specialist in grief and brain/body/spirit healing. I am also a young widow. In reflecting on my experience with the sudden loss of my spouse, and leveraging my professional expertise as well as my spiritual connection to my late husband, I share with you the following guide. My aim is to help you navigate your loved one’s unexpected passing in a gentle, authentic way.
Acknowledging the Fluidity of Healing
Grief doesn’t adhere to a straightforward path. It’s a series of emotional ups and downs; tidal waves that crash down seemingly out of nowhere, mixed with moments of reprieve and gentler ebbs and flows. Healing after loss, therefore, is a gradual journey, not an experience with a set endpoint or a fixed agenda of stages.
Be kind to yourself as you move through the waves. Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend if they were in this position. Most likely, that would be with compassion, patience, love, and care. Give yourself grace as you heal at your own pace, appreciating every small step forward. As I often told myself: Healing through loss is not necessarily day by day or even minute by minute. Sometimes, it’s breath by breath.
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Understanding the Spectrum of Emotions
An important part of the healing process is recognizing and embracing the spectrum of emotions that arise. Whether it’s the sharp pang of loss, deep feelings of emptiness, anger, frustration, or unexpected moments of solace, each feeling is valid, and thus plays a role in gradually mending hearts.
Embracing the diversity of emotions will help you make sense of what it is you’re experiencing. And please remember: whatever you are feeling is perfectly normal. There is no one way or right way to grieve.
Embracing Your Intuitive Compass
Although it’s not widely discussed, for many of us, one of the most healing aspects of loss is the intuitive (aka, psychic or spiritual) connection we feel to our loved ones who have passed away.
Whether it’s sensing their presence, receiving poignant signs, or having vivid dreams of them, these intuitive interactions provide solace and foster the healing process. When you receive a sign or feel your loved one nearby, trust it. They are always eager to reach out!
Raising Your Vibration Every Day
Another widow gave me the most meaningful piece of grief advice: “Do something every day to raise your vibration.”
By this she meant, do something every day to bring even a sliver of light into your day. Go for a walk in nature. Introduce a beautiful color into your space. Hold your pet (or sit with someone else’s for a bit). Anything that brings even an ounce of levity. No action is too big or small.
Healing through grief is a gradual, cumulative process that lasts as long as it lasts. As you move through loss, the little ways you support yourself add up over time. Even though a particular action may not “take away” the pain, offering yourself a little bit of light each day gives some comfort while gradually helping you rebuild.
Finding Solace in Community
Recovery often thrives on collective support. Building connections with individuals who have traversed similar paths plays a pivotal role in shaping the healing process. Whether it’s engaging in bereavement groups, attending counseling sessions, or opening up to people you trust, seeking solace in the company of others can gently ease an aching heart.
Celebrating Memories — and Creating New Ones Together
Honoring our loved ones, saying their name, and recognizing the importance of past moments are crucial in the process of recovery and transformation. So is inviting them into the present.
Whether you honor your loved one’s legacy, keep them actively a part of your life, or both, these practices help transform the emptiness brought on by grief into a continued, ongoing connection to them.
Seeking Guidance from Professionals
There are various types of professionals to whom you might reach out for support.
In the traditional mental health and bereavement space, psychologists, social workers, and grief counselors stand ready to assist in navigating the complexities of loss. Grief professionals create a conducive environment for emotional exploration as well as normalize the experience of loss, guiding individuals along their unique paths toward recovery.
In the spiritual realm, psychic mediums, energy healers, astrologers, and other kinds of intuitives also offer tremendous healing and insight around the loss of a loved one.
Whether a traditional mental health therapist or an intuitive, it’s important that the practitioner you work with be trained in grief and, depending on your needs, possibly in trauma as well. That information should be posted on their website, and you can always inquire before working with them.
Bottom Line
The grief experience is complex and unique to every individual, and every way you support yourself is an act of love and kindness toward yourself. Opening up to your emotions, being gentle with yourself, and finding solace within community, combined with cherishing memories and creating new ones through spiritual connections, are meaningful aspects of your journey. As you navigate this nuanced process, trust yourself and trust your loved one. In doing so, comfort and connection will gradually become a guiding force.
Author: Dr. Lenore Matthew
Dr. Lenore Matthew is a doctor of social work, researcher, and intuitive medium. She holds a PhD in social work from the University of Illinois, with program evaluation, research, and evidence-based practice being her areas of expertise. After the loss of her husband in 2020, Dr. Matthew believes to have experienced a psychic awakening, receiving visceral messages from her late husband. Since then, she has been trying to bridge the gap between science and spirituality, researching the concept of the afterlife through evidence-based methods. Today, Dr. Matthew is on a mission to normalize psychic awakenings and teach people how to connect with their loved ones beyond the physical realm.
